Speaking of competition…

Ugh, it’s that time of year again. It’s time for the weekly broadcasts of grown men with a ball being chased by other grown men. The NFL athletes may be able to throw, kick, or run faster and more accurately than the rest of us, but it still comes to grown-ups playing a game appropriate for eight year-olds.

The athletes absurdly thank God when they win a Super Bowl. Really? You think God will play favorites in a dumb ball game? God didn’t bless a one of you stinky dudes. God has more important prayers to answer from people who are scared and in need. Also, the athletes get so wrecked if they lose a game, especially the Super Bowl. It’s like they think they were all entitled to a win somehow and were robbed by destiny.

The fans are the worst part. The athletes don’t represent you! They represent their paychecks! The fans sit on their ever-widening asses every Sunday and Monday scarfing down fattening snacks and carb-heavy beers all so they can yell like an angry mob at the TV when there’s a play they don’t agree with. The fans in the stadiums will even be violent towards fans of the other teams! God forbid someone in City A should were the hat or shirt for City B. All for men chasing a little ball. Americans clearly need a better sense of priority.

Think of what we would have achieved if all the money spent by the fans per year, all the money spent on team salaries, all the money spent on advertising, was spent on something more worthwhile, like artistic endeavors, world hunger, ridding us of an awful pandemic, or manned space exploration in our system and beyond.

Nope. Americans think it’s better to have a reason to hate their fellows and yell, “We’re NUMBER ONE!!!!”

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